Since there are no perfect people, there are no perfect relationships. We’ve all  had our hearts broken and we’ve all been let down. We’ve hurt others and been hurt ourselves. When our relationships become strained to the breaking point, it can be difficult to know how to begin to repair the damage that has been done. Sometimes not knowing where to start can cause us to not start at all. While not all relationships can be repaired, many can. You can’t control everything in the relationships, but you can control your actions, and that’s where your focus needs to be. Here are three things to remember when you are trying to work on a difficult relationship:

Small Investments Matter

Oftentimes, when we are in a struggling relationship, we are tempted to look for the “big fix”. We want to find the one grand gesture that will make everything right again, but that’s not normally how relationships heal or grow stronger. Remember, small investments matter. Sometimes your offer of a conversation will not be accepted, but the offer still matters. Sometimes it might be thanking someone for something they have done for you, or saying a few words of appreciation for them. Don’t get so caught up in the big gestures that you overlook the important small things that help relationships heal.

Just Say It

One of the signs that a relationship is beginning to weaken is a lack of communication. Sometimes it seems difficult to say what’s really on your heart. We are quick to point out things that are wrong. The things that are broken are so painful that they are often the things we talk about if we talk at all.  But there’s more to talk about when a relationship is struggling than just the places that we aren’t satisfied with. It’s crucial to talk about the good things that are leading us to fight for the relationship in the first place. Tell you friend why they matter to you. Remind your spouse about the things that you love about them.  Words may not be able to heal everything, but they are definitely a good place to start.

I’m Sorry Means A Lot

I know that it’s not all your fault, but some of it is your fault. When you own your part of the mess, it makes everyone a little less defensive. Be specific about what you’ve done or said. Don’t explain it away, and don’t use what the other person has done as a defense for the things you’ve done. Simply own it, apologize and ask for ways that you can improve in the future.

Sometimes our relationships can appear broken in so many places that we don’t know where to start to begin repairing them. The important thing is that you do start. Odds are that it can’t be fixed in a day, but that doesn’t mean that today doesn’t matter. Small steps today are what lead to bigger steps later on.