Lent is a time of reflection, specifically a time to examine our limitations, our brokenness, and our failings. Its purpose isn’t to create shame or drive us to depression, but to awaken us to reality, and to the all-encompassing good news of Easter and God’s good grace. An important thought to consider during Lent is our finitude. Our limits. Where we start and where we stop.

Our culture loves the idea of transcending our limitations. It’s really inspirational. Why run 3 miles when you can run 4? Why work until 5pm when you can work to 7pm and get that much more done? Why give 100%, why not give 110%? Pushing ourselves farther than we believe possible can be very helpful. It reminds us that we are capable of more than we normally assume. It allows us to grow and to dream new and bigger dreams. There are boundaries, however, that we cannot overcome.

24 hours.

That’s how much time you get in a day. Not 25 hours, not even 24 hours and 2 minutes. No matter how hard your work or how efficient you are, you are limited to 24 hours each day. Time management skills will only help you do exactly that, manage the time you have. You can’t add minutes to your day.

Sleep.

You may be one of those people who only needs 4 hours of sleep a night. (If so, I’m envious). You may need 7 or 8 hours to avoid looking and sounding like a zombie. Whatever that number is, and research offers a variety of answers concerning that, you can’t forego sleep. Everybody needs it, no exceptions. If you rob yourself consistently enough, you will begin to suffer mental and physical breakdown.

Money.

Most everyone has a budget, and we all have financial limits. You may spend all of the money you make and borrow more, but eventually people will stop lending you money. There are limits.

As much as we hate to admit it, we all have limits, the ones mentioned here and many more.  Acceptance and appreciation of our limits is a valuable lenten meditation. As much as we hate to hear it, there are things we can’t do. We are finite. God alone is infinite.

Here are some questions to consider during this season of Lent:

Are you trying to be limitless in order to convince yourself that you can control more in life than you can actually control?

How can you limitations improve your relationship with God?

May this Lenten Season strengthen you as it leads you to the unspeakable joy of Easter.

The post Limitations For Lent first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

“Extremism is a powerful alliance of fear and certitude; complexity and humility are its natural foes.”[i]

Girolamo Savonarola was a charismatic and engaging priest in the city of Florence during it’s Renaissance. His passionate preaching drew the attention and allegiance of countless in Florence and beyond. From his position of notoriety he spoke out against abuses within the church. He stood up for the poor and downtrodden in the city. Much of what he believed in was powerful and needed to be heard. Then, he attained more power. With the ruling family, the Medici’s exiled from the city, he became a moral authority and powerful leader. What began as much needed reform became dangerous extremism, ending in the bonfire of the vanities, where many artistic works including those of Sandro Botticelli were burned.

How does something that starts out so well, end so badly? We’ve seen similar stories in our time. Pastors who reach thousands only to later have their ministries crumble. We’ve watched as charismatic non-profit leaders impacted the poor and helpless for a time, but then have their work end, barely resembling the powerful good that it began as. How does this happen? Or, more to the point, how do we avoid it?

I stumbled across the quote at the beginning of this post in a book by Jon Meacham entitled, “American Gospel: God, the Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation.” It’s a scary to think that something as simple as fear (which we all struggle with) and certitude can get so out of control that they lead us to extremism. It’s a truth that has played out over and over throughout the course of history, however, and is still at work today.  For Savonarola, fear revolved around the second coming of Christ, which for many is a comfort. For him, it became a way to pull people in by stoking their fears. The comfort of Jesus coming back to set things back to their right order became a story of a God who was angry and would finally get even if you didn’t do what you were supposed to.  His certitude came in the form of rejecting advice and input from others around him who cared for him, once his power began to grow.

What fears do you have that are threatening to take control of your life? It’s normal to be afraid at times. It’s not healthy, however,  to be constantly plagued by fear. When our fears get too big, they cause us to act in ways we would not normally act and say things we wouldn’t normally say. Many of us have fears about our children’s future. That’s why when they misbehave or bring home a grade lower than expected, we sometimes lash out. Even our parenting can become extreme if we aren’t careful.

A second important question to ask ourselves is this: are there places in my life where I am refusing to listen to others? Am I so sure of myself that I have become unwilling to take advice There’s nothing wrong with being confident in what we believe, but our confidence must always be paired with a humility that remembers that I can always grow. I can always learn something new. I may find that I’ve been wrong, and I am able to change course if need be.

Are there areas of your life that started out healthy, but have swung to an extreme place? Are you only eating one leaf of spinach each day? Do you say three Hail Mary’s anytime someone mentions the name, Harry Potter? We can all get carried away at times, but taking a few moments to evaluate those areas can be a big help. Also, reach out and ask the people who care for you the most about the areas in question. That sort of honesty and humility will protect us from the dangerous extremes that we can all swing to from time to time.

[i] Meacham, J.E.  (2007) American Gospel: God, The Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation. Random House Trade Paperbacks.

The post The Dangers of Going To Extremes first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The second week of Advent offers a closer look at something everyone would say that they desire, peace. While most people claim a desire for peace in the world, it is something that seems to be growing increasingly rare over time. Countries are at war with neighboring countries. Companies battle for greater market share. Families divide as husbands and wives come to believe that peace is unattainable.

In his groundbreaking talk referred to as the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus states that they are people who are known as peacemakers. To whatever extent peace is possible in our world, it must be made. Jesus himself came to earth as the Prince of Peace, and we are to serve his kingdom by bringing peace to life wherever we can.

So, can we make peace? Where do we begin? Here are a couple of thoughts:

Making peace begins with accepting peace

Jesus came to earth to offer peace with God. This is always where peace begins.  Describing peacemakers, Tim Keller writes, “Peacemakers are people who, through making peace with God, have finally learned how to admit flaws and weakness, how to surrender their pride, how to love without the need to control every situation.”[i] When we accept the peace that God offers, he begins to do things in us that seem impossible: helps us admit flaws and weakness, teaches us to surrender our pride, and enables us to love without trying to control others. A person who practices those things will bring peace to whatever environment they inhabit.

Making peace will often mean giving up my “rights”

When someone has wronged us we have every right to be angry. Peace is not about refusing to admit wrongdoing. Peacemakers are very clear about what has led to the lack of peace that exists. We lie and are lied to. We seek our own benefit, even if it comes at a cost to others. People use us and take advantage when they can. Peace grows when I have a right to retaliate, to be angry, or hurt, but I choose to lay down that right in order to end the cycle of wrongdoing. While you can’t control how others treat you, you do have the choice of how you will treat them in return.

Peace isn’t always possible

Paul in a letter written to Christians in Rome encouraged them that , “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18, New International Version).  It’s not always possible to live in peace with everyone. You can choose peace, and have others choose to act poorly. When someone continues to treat your poorly, being a peacemaker doesn’t mean that you have to continue to make yourself available to their mistreatment. Sometimes you have to put up a boundary that keeps you at a safe distance from those who continue to act in a toxic manner.

Making peace isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important callings of all Christians. Peace is powerful , and can even be contagious. While others aren’t guaranteed to choose peace if you do, many times they will. Your commitment to peace has the potential to create a more peace-filled world.

[i] Keller, T (2016) Hidden Christmas. New York, NY: Viking

The post The Second Week of Advent first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

This has been for me, the summer of Frederick Buechner. I attended the Frederick Buechner Writer’s Workshop at Princeton Theological Seminary at the beginning of summer. It reintroduced to me the power of words, and was much needed food for my soul. Since that time, I have immersed myself again in Buechner’s writings. So, since I have no idea what to write about this week, I am going to use an excerpt from his “Telling Secrets” as a launching pad:

“The only way I knew to be a father was to take care of her, as my father had been unable to take care of me, to move heaven and earth if necessary to make her well, and of course I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have either the power or the wisdom to make her well. None of us has the power to change other human beings like that, and it would be a terrible power if we did, the power to violate the humanity of others, even for their own good.” (Telling Secrets, 26)

 In “Telling Secrets”, Buechner writes about his daughter’s battle with an eating disorder. More to the point, he talks about his struggle to watch his daughter struggle with her illness. After several agonizing months, he arrived at the above conclusion.

I still wrestle at times with the belief that I can change other people. I want so much for my daughter to avoid painful mistakes. I want her to make only good decisions (at least good as I define it). I argue and plead and sometimes lecture. In my wisest moments, I shut my mouth and listen. God did not give me the power to change others, he gave me something much better, the privilege of relating to them.

With the increased use of social media, we are bombarded by people hoping to change us. Normally, shame is their weapon of choice.

“Are you going to vote for (insert candidate of choice)?!? Do you not love America at all?”

“Are you going to eat that? Are you not even trying anymore?!?”

It seems that we are hardwired to seek to change other people. It’s like an itch that won’t go away, no matter how much we scratch. I am so grateful that I don’t have the power to change others though. I am also amazed that the one being in the universe with the power to change us all, only does so by invitation.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Revelation 3:20, NLT)

By definition, an all-powerful God could override our human will and change us into whatever He wanted. That’s why the picture of God patiently waiting at a closed door is one of the most shocking images we find in the Bible.

God waits.

God asks.

If God waits and asks, why are we so quick to demand, plead, and cajole?

Is there someone in your life that you are attempting to control, even if it’s for their own good? Maybe your attempts to control, even though well-meaning, aren’t leading to” their own good”. Step back and listen. Ask. Pray and feel free to hope. Relationships aren’t easy, but they are a priceless privilege.  You can’t change anyone, but you can love them, and in the end, that is exactly what God has asked of us.

The post Free From Control first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Responsibility is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. As we’ve witnessed the heartbreaking loss of innocent life in the United States and around the world in the past few weeks, we react in anger and grief, and ask, “Who’s responsible?”. It’s an honest question, because until you know who is responsible, you don’t know how to begin to solve the problem. On the surface it also seems like a simple question, but it is far from that.

Where does my responsibility begin and where does it end? Is it my fault? Am I supposed to fix it? Can I fix it? These questions and many more are made difficult because of two common mistakes we often make when it comes to the area of responsibility:

We are over-responsible. (I can do it all)

Many of us believe that we can (and should) do it all. When our friends stumble, we run to the rescue. When there is a problem at work, we work overtime. When there is a disagreement with friends, we say we are sorry, and try to patch things up. The person who believes that everything is their responsibility lives by a simple motto: “If I can, then I should”. When we feel responsible for everything and everyone around us, we eventually become exhausted. We try to help everyone (even those who don’t ask for it), but we never seem to get anywhere. We are crushed when others fail or get hurt and secretly blame ourselves for not seeing it sooner and helping.

People who are over-responsible look like the most caring people on the planet, but in reality, they are just afraid. They are afraid that something will be their fault, afraid that people will no longer like or accept them if they don’t do what they should. When we take on too much responsibility for someone else, we block them from taking responsibility for themselves. In the end, we hurt the people we want to help.

We are irresponsible. (I can’t change anything)

Irresponsible people feel that the world is too big and too broken to fix. They say things like, “I would have been better were it not for my parents and the ways they failed.” Or, “I would have done better at that job, but my boss didn’t like me.” Irresponsible people never accept responsibility for things that are happening. If there’s a disagreement with friends, we stubbornly wait for the other person to apologize, (after all, I wouldn’t have said those hurtful words, if she would have called like she said she would). When we blame the world around us for all of our problems, we eventually feel helpless and stop trying altogether. We become blamers, dependent on others to make things better for us.

People who are irresponsible look like the least caring people on the planet, but in reality, they are just afraid. They are afraid of trying and failing, afraid that they don’t have what it takes. When we don’t take responsibility for our life, we burden those around us in unfair ways. In the end, we hurt the people that we care most about.

Sound familiar? Don’t panic, we all tend to sway to one of these two unhealthy extremes at times when it comes to responsibility. Check back later this week for part 2 of this post, as we look at what makes for a healthy middle ground.

The post All Or Nothing (Part 1) first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The post 3 Things That Are Keeping You From Saying “No” (and what you can do about it) first appeared on Michael Ramsey.