We have puppies.

I’ve been hesitant to get puppies. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs, and most other pets to be honest. My go-to complaints have always been that a dog is a lot of work and we don’t have a wealth of free time to begin with. I also argued that having a dog at home when we are often away from home wouldn’t be a good experience for the dog. That argument backfired spectacularly when we purchased two puppies instead of one, so that they would have each other for company.

I was able to put off getting a pet for many years with my daughter. But she is clever and persistent. She desperately wanted a pet. At one point she began to send us pics of hedgehogs. She sent pictures of hedgehogs sitting in muffin tins and on top of sugar cones, like a prickly ball of ice cream. It became clear that her desire for a pet was not going to go away, so rather than being infested with hedgehogs, I began to research various dog breeds. I gave her the puppy that she named Finn on her sixteenth birthday. She was as happy as I had ever seen her. Her joy and tears converted me at that moment, and Finn became a treasured member of our family.

We had never trained a dog before, so Finn wasn’t especially well trained. We cleaned the carpet daily and purchased her favorite cow hooves to chew on (they smell exactly like the manure filled pastures where they formerly walked by the way). Despite all of the challenges and unwelcome smells, it was undeniable that Finn brought us great joy. As crazy as it sounds, she made us a stronger family.

Fast forward a few years and Finn got sick. It seemed like it hit her overnight. One day she was fine and the next day she couldn’t walk across the yard. We took her to the vet and then on to an animal hospital. We found that she had a blood disease and that there was no cure. That evening I joined Makena and Mindi at the hospital to say goodbye. I had spent my life trying to protect Makena from hurt and heartbreak. I believed that she deserved the world, and I figured that protecting her from unnecessary pain was the least I could do.

So, when I walked into the room where she was saying goodbye to Finn and saw how utterly heartbroken she was, I was undone. We shared a family hug after we left the hospital and I broke down completely. I was sad about Finn of course, but I was crushed by my daughter’s pain. She was hurting terribly and there was nothing I could do to help. I felt that I had completely failed her.

Grief takes time, and over the next few weeks her heart healed, slowly but surely. I learned that perhaps I hadn’t failed her as badly as I feared. She was better off for the love she had given to her dog, and for the time they had together. For her, the love and joy of Finn’s life was worth any amount of grief she had to endure at her loss.

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” A broken heart is always preferable to a cold and calloused one.

Makena eventually got another dog, 50 lbs. of insanity named Loki, a rescue husky. She’s married now and she and her husband have two huskies. She loves them dearly and will no doubt be broken hearted if anything ever happens to them. But she wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. She’s braver than I am, but that’s not news, she always has been.

So, once again, we now have puppies. There will be aggravation and one day (hopefully long from now) broken hearts. But there is also joy and puppy snuggles and my son’s contagious laughter as they all run around in the back yard. It seems that some pains are necessary. Being truly human will mean being broken-hearted at times, but love is always worth the risk.

The post Love Is Worth The Risk first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

My Dad loved to read. He was a picky reader and tended to stick to action books, mostly westerns. Of those, his favorite author was Louis L’Amour. He had most all of L’Amour’s books and read them over and over. I now have his yellowing and tattered collection of paperbacks. I try once a year to go through the box of books and settle on one to read as a way of remembering my Dad. I find comfort in knowing that my hands are holding books that his hands held. This time of year, many of us are looking for ways to deal with the losses we’ve faced along the way.

I spoke with a lady from our church today who, over the years, has lost her husband, brother, and others, all during the Christmas season. She admitted, “I hate to see this season roll around”. She’s not the only one. The holidays are difficult for a lot of people. Some of you are facing your first Christmas without a mom, Dad, grandparent, or child this year. The empty chair at the table can be enough to make us want to cancel Christmas dinner altogether.

Carrying the weight of our losses can quickly become overwhelming. We are tempted to build a wall in our mind and shut off our painful memories. The wall that shuts off those memories, however, doesn’t just close off the painful memories, but many good memories as well. For those of you struggling into this December, here are a couple of tips that might help you remember well:

1)Share your stories with someone else.

Grief feels like a very private thing and in many ways it is. The processing of grief, however, needs to be shared. Tell you stories to someone else. Telling our stories and listening to others share their memories can open us up to important things we have forgotten. Share a story with your spouse. Give you cousin a call. Tell your child a favorite memory that you have of their grandfather. Saying the words out loud has a power that doesn’t exist when our memories are left to bounce around lonely and captive in our mind.

2)Say the obvious out loud.

Everyone at this year’s family get-together knows that grandma is no longer with us. Don’t be afraid to say the words out loud. Everyone is thinking about it, and everyone is missing her. This will often give everyone permission to take a deep breathe, cry a few tears, or share a story. Don’t try to protect people from their pain, rather, create space for them to express it.

3)Don’t allow regrets to take over.

We are all human, and that means that every relationship we have brings its share of regrets.  There are things we wish we hadn’t said and other things we wish we had. It’s easy when we are grieving to become so focused on our regrets that we block out other good memories. You can learn from your regrets, but don’t spend time punishing yourself for things that happened 8 years ago. It’s not something that your loved one would have wanted for you.

4)Stay in the present.

Don’t’ allow your thoughts of the past cause you to miss out on the present. The pain of loss and remembering often demands our attention. Don’t allow those demands cause you to miss out on what’s going on around you this year. There is joy to be had and memories to be made.  Your friends and family need you in the here and now.

I hope this Christmas finds you with only the best memories and that for every tear of sadness, you’ll have several more of joy and laughter.

May you be blessed this Christmas with joy filled memories from the past, and laughter and peace in the present.

The post Dealing With Loss During the Holidays first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Life is often unpredictable. Anxiety is what we feel when the uncertainty of life becomes overwhelming. Our minds frantically bounce from one thought to the next trying to fix, repair, predict, prepare, relate, or overcome. As our inability to control everything becomes apparent, so does our discomfort. Soon the headaches, backaches, or stomach pains set in. The small healthy fire that burns inside of us to be productive, rages into a forest fire that consumes all of our thoughts and energy. If your anxiety has become a common companion during your week, here are a few practical steps that could offer you some relief.

Quick Note: Some anxiety can reach levels of intensity that need extra attention. If that’s you, start with a full physical from your doctor and then find a trusted therapist to help you on your journey.

Divide and Conquer.

It seems impossible to ignore our anxious thoughts for an entire day, but 10 minutes is a reasonable start. When today’s anxious thought comes crashing in on you, decide to set it aside for 10 minutes. For example, if you are stressed about how you’re going to make ends meet financially, resolve to set the issue aside for 10 minutes. Say to yourself, “I will not think about my finances for the next 10 minutes”. If after that time, you decide to pick the thought back up, you can. If you would like to set it aside for another ten minutes, then that’s your prerogative as well. Remember, it’s not laziness or procrastination to set aside a topic until a time when our brain can think more clearly about it! Once your mind is clear enough to find the first step in the task at hand, you are ready to proceed. One step taken is better than ten steps obsessed over. Oftentimes the overwhelming size of the forest keeps us from chopping at the first tree. Take a deep breath, find one tree, and start chopping.

Give Yourself Permission To Rest.

When we are tired our anxiety feels especially intense, and we are unable to think as clearly. Life feels like a thousand issues that we can’t resolve, swirling around all at once in our brains. Battling anxiety requires a great deal of mental energy. So, as hard as it can be, take a (guilt free) nap. At night, set a time to be in bed and stick to it. Tell yourself (out loud if necessary) that your day is done and you cannot accomplish anything else until morning. At that point, stop making lists (either on paper or in your head), let go, and go to sleep. This may take some practice and could include a few nights of staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come. But stay committed to the routine and your body will adjust.

Repeat After Me: “I am more than what I do”.

It’s tempting to believe that we am only doing well when we have done everything and have done it perfectly. That is just not true. Life is hard and we are imperfect. Even at our best, some tasks are impossible. Who you are is more than just a reflection of how well you perform. You can control your effort but not always the outcomes, so show yourself a bit or mercy. Think of all of the imperfect people that you love, odds are, several of them love you back just the way you are. You are more than your biggest mistakes.

Implementing these three things into your life will reduce your anxiety and give you greater clarity in your thinking. We may not be able to avoid all of life’s anxiety, but we can take steps to address it in healthy ways.

The post Practical Steps To Reduce Daily Anxiety first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

How do we face an unknown future?

When the people of Israel escaped their slave existence in Egypt, their challenges had just begun. There had been 70 people who initially travelled to Egypt to escape the ravages of a seven year long famine. Those were the sons of the man Israel (Jacob) and their families. Now after four hundred years of slavery, the nation that bore Israel’s name were numbered at well over a million. Imagine a million slaves stumbling into the desert with no clear destination!  The plan for what was to happen next wasn’t very clear. What was clear was that there was no plan B. The only thing behind them was the Red Sea and thousands of dead Egyptian soldiers. The only options available to them were Moses, the road ahead, and a God they thought had forgotten them long ago. Where do you begin when everything you have ever known has been swept away? How do you move forward to a future than isn’t clear?

Those questions sound pretty familiar don’t they?

Our present is spent up a moment at a time. Each moment gets shoved back into the past whether we are ready to let it go or not. Our past is a collection of successes and failures, laughter and tears, and while there is encouragement to be had and lessons to be learned by looking at our past, just like the people of Israel, going back to live there isn’t really an option. We are therefore left to plod forward into our own deserts. The future may seem uncertain, but it’s unavoidable. Which leaves us with the question: what do you do when you don’t know where the path forward is leading?

The first step in any journey is to assess your thinking. The thoughts we think drive everything we do and everything we feel. The goal is to focus on what we have and not on whatever it is that we don’t currently possess.  For the people of Israel this meant forgetting the predictability they had known in Egypt. Obsessing over the fact that they didn’t really know where they were going would not be helpful either.  There was no use in worrying about the desert terrain or anything else they couldn’t predict or control. Their journey started with focusing on what they did have, freedom (after 400 years, they were no longer slaves), hope (God was promising to give them a home), and the presence of God in their midst. The more they soaked in thoughts of their freedom, and the hope they had, and that God was with them, the more clearly they would be able to think, and the better they would feel.

I can spend way too much time thinking about things I don’t have, or that I don’t know, or that I can’t control. How about you?

What thoughts are you thinking that aren’t taking you anywhere? What thoughts only bring worry and confusion? What are you trying to control, that is uncontrollable? What unknown things are you trying to predict? Life is unbearable when we become preoccupied with things beyond our control, especially when better thoughts are available to us. Like the Israelites, we have freedom, hope, and the presence of God with us on our journey. When we return our mind to these things we find comfort and purpose.

May you find respite from the unknown which troubles your mind, and may God give you peace.

The post Facing The Unknown first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Dwight D. Eisenhower was a five star general, and served as the Supreme Commander of the Allied Expeditionary Forces in Europe during World War 2.  He later became President of the United States and served during a tumultuous time in our history as a nation. If anyone knew something about handling time effectively it was Ike. He once famously said, “What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.” Those are pretty amazing words for someone who both oversaw a multi-nation campaign in Europe during a world war and a government transitioning to become a world power. As we begin to form a rule of life, we would be wise to heed Ike’s wisdom.

None of us live our lives in a vacuum. There are countless voices competing for our time and attention. The difference between a life of purpose and a life spent chasing our tails will depend upon which voices we listen to. The things and people that are most important to us should command the best of our attention, energy, and time. It seems like a simple thought, but it’s not always an easy thing to execute. Urgent demands, important or not, can often distract us from what we value the most.

Here are a couple of questions to carry with you this week as we think about what is urgent and what is important:

Are there things/people/tasks that you believe are important to you that do not get the time they deserve in your week?

Are you ever tempted to address “urgent” requests just to get someone to leave you alone?

The post Constructing Your Rule of Life first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Life is unpredictable. When the twists and turns are mild the unexpected can be pleasant, but sometimes our lives are changed dramatically in ways we couldn’t have imagined. When that happens, just making it through the day becomes a challenge. Anxiety is what we feel when the uncertainty of life becomes overwhelming. Our minds frantically bounce from one thought to the next trying to fix, repair, predict, prepare, relate, or overcome. As our inability to control everything becomes apparent, so does our discomfort. Soon the headaches, backaches, or stomach pains set in. If anxiety has become a common companion this week, here are three practices that may offer some relief:

Divide And Conquer

It seems impossible to ignore our anxious thoughts for an entire day, but 10 minutes is a reasonable start. When today’s anxious thought comes crashing in on you, decide to set it aside for 10 minutes. How long is this virus going to last? What happens if I’m not able to be at work next month? Those are fair questions, but sometimes we just don’t have the answers.  Say to yourself, “I will limit my thoughts to what’s in front of me today for the next 10 minutes”. If after that time, you decide that you are ready to pick the thought back up, you can. If you would like to set it aside for another ten minutes, then that’s your prerogative as well. Sometimes an answer just isn’t available. Remember, it’s not laziness or procrastination to set aside a topic until a time when our brain can think more clearly about it!  Once your mind is clear enough to find the first step in the task at hand, you are ready to proceed. One step taken is better than 10 steps obsessed over. Often times the overwhelming size of the forest keeps us from chopping down the first tree.

Give Yourself Permission To Rest

The more exhausted we become the more intense our anxiety becomes. When we are tired, we are unable to think clearly and life feels like nothing more than 1000 issues that we can’t resolve, swirling around in our minds all at once. Battling anxiety requires a great deal of mental energy. So, as hard as it can be, set a time to be in bed and stick to it. Tell yourself (out loud if necessary) that your day is over and that you cannot accomplish anything else until morning. At that point, stop making lists (either on paper or in your head), let go, and go to sleep. This may take some practice and could include a few nights of staring at the ceiling, telling your brain to knock it off! But stay committed to the routine and your body will adjust.

Repeat After Me: “Who I Am Is More Than What I Do…”

It’s incredibly tempting to believe that I am only doing well when I have done everything, and have done it perfectly. But that’s just not the case. Life is hard and we are imperfect. Even at our best, some tasks are impossible. Who you are is more than just a reflection of how well you perform. You can control your effort but not always the outcomes, so show yourself a bit or mercy!  Think of all of the imperfect people that you love, odds are, several of them love you back without needing you to be perfect either.

Implementing these three things into your life will reduce your anxiety and give you greater clarity in your thinking. We may not be able to avoid all anxiety in life, but we can keep it from controlling us. And finally, remember the fact that God is in control, means you don’t have to be. May God bless you this week with a peace that is bigger than you could have imagined possible.

The post When Anxiety Takes Control first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Grief is painful any time of the year, but the holidays can be especially difficult. I recorded a video for our church that discusses the sorts of emotions and thoughts you may be dealing with this Christmas. I hope that it will help you process your grief in a healing and redemptive way. Please feel free to share with anyone who might be feeling alone in their grief. May God bless you and yours this Christmas!

Grace and Peace,

Michael

Grief During the Holidays

The post Grief During The Holidays first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Ross King’s Leonardo and the Last Supper is an endlessly fascinating history of one of the world’s greatest artists and one of the most well-known works of art in history. You don’t have to be interested in art or especially religious to know “The Last Supper”. It’s been copied and referenced in thousands of places. There are Disney versions, one in which Homer Simpson occupies the place of Jesus, and even one with superheroes that includes The Incredible Hulk brooding off to the left side of the table. Dan Brown famously featured the Last Supper in his novel, The Da Vinci Code, weaving a fantastic fictional tale of murder and greed.

The true story of The Last Supper, however, is incredible in its own right. the wall featuring the fresco was almost destroyed many times. Leonardo attempted to deviate from the normal process of painting frescos by using a lead white primer base on top of the plaster. This would allow him to paint more slowly and to achieve more vibrant colors. The experiment did not work, however, and the painting was brittle and began to flake apart from the very beginning. The French army during one invasion housed soldiers in the humble monastery in Milan.  The soldiers, exhausted from marching and frustrated from fighting, threw rocks at the painting and gouged out the eyes of the disciples. In World War 2 a bomb destroyed much of the monastery, but the fresco incredibly survived.

Beyond the chaotic history and it’s artistic renown, it’s the moment of history that Leonardo captures that is most powerful for me. The scene is an intersection of two events. Jesus has just revealed that someone at the dinner will betray him. In response, Thomas points an accusing finger and Peter has grabbed a knife. But this moment is happening within a larger moment.  Jesus is instituting the observance of communion, a central practice and sacrament of the church still today. His arms are outstretched to encompass the bread and the wine.

Communion and betrayal.

My spiritual life could be summarized as communion and betrayal. It has been marked by times of closeness with God and also by other times of ignoring Him and turning away to do what I thought was best. The moments of communion and betrayal can even happen on the same day, within minutes of each other.

I often feel like that thin monastery wall in Milan. I bear the fingerprints and brushstrokes of a Master Artist. At the same time I’m fragile and in danger of crumbling under the weight of my own expectations. Maybe you’ve felt that way too.

In spite of our weaknesses and betrayals, we survive. It’s as if God won’t let His masterpiece be destroyed. Our fragility only highlights the master work that God has done. We may be responsible for the betrayal, but God is responsible for the communion, and he holds us close, refusing to let go.

May God bless your Maundy Thursday with his closeness and love.

The post Thoughts For Maundy Thursday first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The following prayer is from William Barclay’s “More Prayers For the Plain Man”. Though it was written in 1962, it is especially applicable today. I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

“O God, keep me from grumbling.

I am quite well aware – from experience – that there is no one harder to put up with than someone who is always complaining. Don’t let me become like that. Don’t let me have discontentment written all over my face, and the whine of the east wind for ever in my voice.

If I can’t get my own way, don’t let me sulk about it.

If I can’t get what I want, help me to make the best of what I can get, and of what I have.

Don’t let me become one of these people who take offense far too easily, and who go off in a huff, even when nothing unpleasant was ever intended.

Help me all day every day to look on the bright side of things, and to see the best in people.

And help me to live in the certainty that you are working all things together for good, if I have only the trust to accept them, and the patience to wait for your purposes to work out.

This I ask for your love’s sake. Amen”

The post A Prayer For Contentment first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

My blog is going on a brief hiatus!

I’ve always enjoyed writing this blog. I hope that it is a benefit to those who read it, and if it benefits you, I hope you pass word of it along to others. I’ve struggled to supply content to the blog for the past few months. I believe it’s time to redefine its purpose and direction. I am planning on taking the rest of the year off from the blog in order to gather information and feedback. Thank you all for your commitment to this site and for your encouragement along the way. See you soon!

The post Be Back Soon! first appeared on Michael Ramsey.