One of the most frustrating things about being a pastor are those moments when you teach about things that you struggle with the most. I actually believe that our most powerful teachings come from our most honest struggles, but it’s still no fun. I experienced this last week, when a small group gathered and we discussed the concept of margin.

I’m not sure if he coined the term or just illuminated it, but Richard Swenson’s book Margin is incredibly instructive. Margin is intentionally built-in empty space. There is margin on the pages of the books we read, for example.  Empty white space encircles the typed words on the page. This makes the book more aesthetically pleasing and more readable. It also protects against losing some of the writing if a corner of the book is damaged.

Our lives need margin as well. Our days are often filled with activity and busyness from the time our eyes pop open until we close them again late that night for sleep. We live at our limits financially and relationally, eventually paying the price for it.

We need space that is not filled with a list of things to do or places to go. We need space to unwind and to think without the pressing need to be productive. Jesus, who was incredibly productive during this three years of public ministry, often withdrew by himself for time away. He would leave massive crowds who were gathered to hear him in order to be alone for a bit.

If Jesus needed margin, then we do as well. It’s impossible to be “on” all of the time. Spending all of the time, money, and energy we have isn’t living fully, it’s living dangerously. Not only does a built in “cushion” protect us, it often makes life more productive and enjoyable. Creating margin can be difficult, however, mostly because it often involves saying “no” to people we want to impress. It requires courage to set boundaries in your life, here are a couple of tips that may help:

Start Small. It’s unrealistic to think that you can open up an hour of your day everyday to be alone or 10% of your income to drop into savings right away. It’s almost impossible to go from no margin to large blocks of it. If we set unrealistic expectations, we become discouraged when we aren’t able to maintain or achieve them, and often quit altogether. So, start small.

Remember that “no” is relationally healthy. If there is someone in your life that you can’t say “no” to then that relationship isn’t healthy. Good relationships can handle hearing the word “no”. Saying “no” in the right ways sets boundaries in relationships that make them stronger and will improve you connection with others in the long run.

Start today. Remember that we all plan to do all sorts of great things one day. One day, however, rarely comes. So, start now, make a plan, and give it a go. Check back here for upcoming posts about how and where to create margin in your life!

The post Creating Space For Life first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

When my daughter was in middle school and high school our daily schedule was insane. She had school during the day and I had work. When we got home, she would do homework, and I would mow, or wash the dishes, or do whatever chore that had been most neglected during the past week. After that, we would rush to dance practice, eating before if we had time, or grabbing something on the road if we didn’t. There were meetings at school, work commitments some nights, projects, church, sleepovers, and that was a slow week. We were so busy getting everything done, that we rarely had time to just be together.

Your weeks may look like mine, or they may be even more chaotic. There are a thousand opportunities out there for our kids and for us. We love our kids, and so we want them to be able to be part of everything that we are told is important. After all, we are working on making that college application look good (even when our kids are in seventh grade). The result of all of our running and multi-tasking is that our kids are graduating high school experientially rich but relationally poor.

Relationships take time, and there are no shortcuts if we want to have deep relationships with the people closest to us. It’s easy to fill our life with so many good things that we don’t have time for the best things. Here are a couple of thoughts about how to trade experiences for relational depth:

Embrace the Boredom

If you looked at our planners, you would assume that our greatest fear in life is for our children to become bored. Boredom is not the enemy, at least not in small doses. We shouldn’t  strive to entertain our kids during every minute they are awake. They need space to be bored. Oftentimes that is when their creativity and self-reliance blooms.

Start with One No

It’s hard to say “no”. We don’t want to miss out on anything, and we don’t want our kids to miss out either. You don’t have to cancel everything on your calendar to improve your relationships, you just need to pick one place where you can say “no”. By saying no to one activity or commitment, you are saying yes to the time required for relationships to grow. Sit down with your calendar and find your one place to say “no”.

Make Room To Breathe

We can’t gain relational depth by simply adding it to the unending list of other things we want to get done in a week. You can plan to have a deep, life-changing talk with your teenager this week if you want, but it may or may not happen. Trust and relational health can’t be forced. They must be given space to grow. Open up time for conversations to happen. If it takes ten open windows of time to have one deep conversation with your spouse or child, you are still being successful.

Trading experiences for relational depth isn’t always easy. Slowing down can be stressful at first. Stay committed to creating spaces for your relationships to breathe however, and you will see growth and depth over time.

The post In Search of Better Relationships (Part 3) first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Most people have dreams about what they would like to accomplish or become in life. We all want to do something valuable with our time. But for many people the dream remains just a dream. They struggle to attain their goals and realize their full potential. The most common problem that blocks us from reaching our preferred future isn’t a lack of ability or effort. It’s a lack of clarity. In fact, if you can clarify two simple things you will be well on your way to reaching your dreams. Those things are, where you are starting and where you want to end up.

Define Where You Are

In order to get from point A to point B, you need to have a clear understanding of where you are beginning. If you are not clear about point A, you can give up on ever reaching point B. Sometimes it’s hard to admit where we are in life. It can discourage us and make us feel that we will never accomplish anything of value. Being honest with yourself is crucial, however. It’s ok to be where you are. Everyone starts someplace. People don’t normally get their dream job at 22. Our families aren’t normally perfect from day one. Don’t beat yourself up because you are not where you want to be yet, just be honest and move on to the next step….

Define Where You Want To Go.

When we realize that we are not satisfied with where we are right now, we are ready to dream about where we would like to go. What would you like for your family to be in five years? What difference do you want to make in your community? What would you like to accomplish with your career?

It’s important when answering these questions to be specific. No one gets to the Grand Canyon by getting in the car and saying, “I think we should go somewhere out west-ish”. Be clear about where you want to go and what you want to become. That doesn’t mean that you can’t tweak your dream from time to time. As you grow, you will most likely refine your dream from time to time. But, you always need to come back to a clear picture of your destination.

Most families and organizations struggle because they either refuse to admit where they are, or they never chart a clear course to where they would like to be. By spending time contemplating these two things you can move a big step closer to achieving your dreams.

The post Plotting Your Course first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Victor Hugo once wrote that, “The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or more to the point, loved in spite of ourselves.” If that is true then Christmas is our reminder that unending happiness is available to us all. This joy comes from knowing that we haven’t been left alone in our brokenness. In spite of our failings, in spite of our hurtful words, in spite of our greed, and in spite of our selfish actions, Jesus came to earth to be with us and to invite us to live forever with Him.

Humanity hungers for joy, and we waste away without it. We were created by God to crave joy in much the same way that we crave water to drink and air to breath. The greatest joy and satisfaction available to mankind comes through a relationship with God. While we may find happiness in our purchases, promotions, and possessions, those joys eventually fade. God alone is our source of unending joy.

This Christmas we also remember that sometimes the greatest joys of life emerge from our darkest moments.  Some of us find ourselves this season in a difficult financial place. Others of us are ill and battling disease. Still others of us are grieving the loss of close family or friends. While there will be losses in life that take our breath away and mountains that seem too steep to climb. God will never leave our side. As we eagerly await the day when Jesus returns and establishes complete and unending joy, God’s words echoed through the psalmist give us strength, “Sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5).

The post The Third Week of Advent first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

My high school basketball coach was terrifying.

At least that was my first impression of him. He was loud and intense. He screamed and had on occasion kicked us out of the gym if our practices didn’t meet the standard he desired. (The kicking out wasn’t the bad part, it was what awaited us at the next practice.) I wasn’t used to people yelling at me, I grew up in a quiet home, so coach really rattled me. Not only that, he had in his possession the one thing that mattered more than anything to me: playing time. If I couldn’t find a way to make that guy happy, I would lose what I wanted most.

I used to believe the same things about God.

I had read stories in the Bible of people being turned to a pillar of salt. Some were destroyed by floods, the ground opened up underneath others and swallowed them whole. I had also heard enough sermons about hell to know that I needed to be very careful when it came to God. I can remember thinking that I needed to make sure to never look back at a city that God was destroying by fire, and definitely not lie to any church leaders about anything! I was afraid that if I didn’t make God happy I would lose the things I wanted most; jobs, relationships, health, etc…

Things changed for me when I stumbled across some words written by one of Jesus’ closest disciples, John. He said, “There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18) I loved God, but I realized that I was living much of my life in an attempt to avoid his punishment. I didn’t really trust that He wanted the best for me. If we are honest about God, if we see Him clearly as the creator of everything that is, then fear is a very healthy first impression. He is more powerful that we can possibly imagine. But, if that all-powerful God loves us and wants the best for us, the fear we feel can begin to melt away and love can grow in it’s place.

Over time, I realized that my coach wanted the best for me as a player and as a person. He didn’t just care about the score of the game, he cared about me. Once, I realized that all of that volume and passion wasn’t trying to destroy me, but trying to help me, I was able to relax. The lessons I learned during those years in high school with my coach still impact my life today, and I’m grateful that I was able to trade in my fear of him and trust him instead.

The same is true of my relationship with God. God doesn’t punish us. Punishment is about getting even, about answering for what you’ve done. In an act of unimaginable love and sacrifice, Jesus answered for what we have done. God disciplines us, which is much different. Discipline is for our good, and leads to our growth. When my coach made our team run sprints until our lungs burned and our legs felt like rubber, it wasn’t to get even. He was making sure we would have the stamina to play hard late in games, so that when other teams were tired, we could keep going.

I don’t understand everything about God, but I trust Him. It’s not a perfect trust. Nothing about me is perfect. It’s growing, though. Every day I find that the more I trust the less I fear. That’s good because fear is miserable. It takes faith to trust, and that isn’t always easy. The reward is worth it however, and I hope you are able to enjoy a life with less fear.

The post The Toxic Nature of Fear first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Several years ago, I decided to try my hand at writing for public consumption. Writing had always been a cathartic process for me, and I hoped that my thoughts might also resonate with others.  Over 300 blog posts later, I decided it was time to redefine my direction. After weeks of trial and error and brainstorming, I landed on the theme, “Made To Thrive”. This new direction came out of my own spiritual and relational life. It was also a recurring topic in the lives of people that I have known and worked with. I discovered that the thinking of most Christians falls into one of two broad categories. I have spent time in both camps over the years, and neither has been fully satisfying. The categories are as follows:

1)God wants me to succeed and prosper now.

I recently watched a message by a well-known minister on television. He draws crowds by the thousands and sells books by the millions. His message was on physical health. He said that God wanted us to have good physical health, and if you did the right things and took care of yourself, God would give you the health you desired. It was a tempting message. We all want health for ourselves and our families. We want to succeed at our careers, make more money, and send our children to better schools. The idea that we can control all of that if we do the right things is however, misleading. As the minister continued talking, I thought about a family reeling after their four year-old was diagnosed with leukemia. She hadn’t done anything wrong, or at least no more than any other four year old. If the parents had been watching this minister they would have been forced to believe that their lack of faith had left their  child vulnerable to sickness. I could see how many people when faced with that option or the choice to leave their faith altogether, often choose to abandon their faith. While God does want the best for all people, it doesn’t mean that those with faith can avoid all of life’s tragedies and challenges.

2)The big pay-off comes later.

The other major school of thought in many churches is that life is unpredictable and can sometimes be hard. So, don’t worry about life here on earth. It is what it is.  God’s plan is to give you all of the good stuff later on, namely in heaven. In the meantime, we should just endure the best we can. There are aspects of truth in this view as well, but again it falls short in some key places. If this life doesn’t matter, why are we here?  Is there more to life than simply gritting our teeth and sticking it out? Isn’t the earth more than just heaven’s waiting room?

A third option: we were made to thrive.

Thriving accepts that life will bring both incredible highs and painful lows. We have some control over the direction of our lives, but there are circumstances like disease, tornadoes, relationship betrayals, and thousands of other things that are beyond our ability to control. We are able to thrive however, when we embrace all of life. The ups and downs, the celebrations and the grief. We embrace our newborn children and laugh, we gather at funerals and cry. We celebrate our promotion at work, and fight to begin again when we lose our job.  We weren’t made to simply endure life. We are to embrace it for all it’s worth, because we believe that God is somehow present in every moment of life.

First century church planter Paul, captured the heart of what it means to thrive when he wrote, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” (Philippians 4: 11-12)  Thriving accepts that life isn’t all that it was meant to be, but at the same time God is at work making all things new. The most unexpected and life-altering truth of all is that God wants us to join him in that work. As I thought about a new direction for the blog, I realized that thriving is what I’ve always wanted to do in life, and everything that I’ve tried to teach others. So, as we continue forward together, I hope that the posts you find at michaelramsey.org will encourage you to embrace life for all it is, and to seek to find God is all of it’s moments. Never forget that you were made for something more, you were made to thrive.

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