Jesus is an invitation and a chance and a summons to a different way of life. And we are always deciding.

The Christian life can be tricky at times. Christians aren’t perfect. In fact, most of us are very aware of our faults and flaws. One of the main questions that comes up for Christians who are trying to understand what it looks like to follow Jesus more closely is this: why am I so easily distracted from the sort of life that I know I should be living.

Each of us has doubts from time to time. We struggle with temptation and with uncertainty. Struggle isn’t necessarily a sign that you’ve left the path. It just means that the path can be rocky and difficult to walk at times. The above quote by Walter Brueggemann reminds us that Jesus’ invitation to a new life is one we have to choose over and over again. We are always deciding what sort of life we would like to live, and what sort of people we hope to be. That’s not a bad thing. It just means that these sort of decisions are really big, and need to be reaffirmed along the way.

If you have lost sight of who you are and what you are about, now might be a good time to accept again Jesus’ invitation to a new sort of life. We all stumble, but God is always eager to help us back to our feet.

The post Always Deciding first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Dwight D. Eisenhower was the Allied Commander in charge of launching the attacks of D-Day during World War II. His success in that invasion would ultimately lead to victory over the Axis forces of Nazi and Japanese soldiers. As much as we admire his courage, preparation, and clarity of thinking when we look back at it now, at the time, the outcome was very much in doubt. No one knew if the invasion at Normandy would succeed. So much so, that Eisenhower composed a brief letter to submit to the president in case the invasion didn’t succeed. The note read,

“Our landings in the Cherbourg-Havre area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold and I have withdrawn the troops. My decision to attack at this time and place was based upon the best information available. The troops, the air and the Navy did all that Bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone.”

The quality of Eisenhower as a leader was on display not only in his successes, but in the way he was filling to face failure. We can learn valuable lessons from his example as we face the inevitable failures that we occur in our lives.

Don’t Make Excuses

There are always extenuating circumstances present when we fail. There are always things beyond our control that contribute to our outcomes. Sometimes our failure is brought about by the failure of others. It’s easy to make excuses, to blame others when things go wrong. Even if there is room for blame however, we must avoid it at all costs. Blame is toxic for everyone involved. Eisenhower was not willing to blame others (although he could have). He was ready to bear the full weight of the failure if the mission did not succeed. He even went out of his way to complement those under him, assuming the best, that they would handle themselves well.

Don’t Belittle Yourself

If the mission had failed, it would not have meant that Eisenhower was a bad leader. In his willingness to accept responsibility for the failure if it would have occurred, he never badmouthed himself. You are more than your performance, and a bad performance doesn’t make you a bad person. If you crush yourself every time something goes wrong, you will soon lose heart and struggle in whatever you attempt.

Own It and Move On

Eisenhower’s assumption of responsibility was short, clear, and to the point. There is nothing to be gained by wallowing in our failures. We need to own the failure, accept whatever consequences that may come, and then move on to the next challenge.

Failing is miserable, even in small things. But the way we handle our failures will go a long way to determine our success in the future. Everyone fails, but those who face it courageously are better able to handle the next challenge that life brings to them.

The post Transforming Failure Into Growth first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Most people have dreams about what they would like to accomplish or become in life. We all want to do something valuable with our time. But for many people the dream remains just a dream. They struggle to attain their goals and realize their full potential. The most common problem that blocks us from reaching our preferred future isn’t a lack of ability or effort. It’s a lack of clarity. In fact, if you can clarify two simple things you will be well on your way to reaching your dreams. Those things are, where you are starting and where you want to end up.

Define Where You Are

In order to get from point A to point B, you need to have a clear understanding of where you are beginning. If you are not clear about point A, you can give up on ever reaching point B. Sometimes it’s hard to admit where we are in life. It can discourage us and make us feel that we will never accomplish anything of value. Being honest with yourself is crucial, however. It’s ok to be where you are. Everyone starts someplace. People don’t normally get their dream job at 22. Our families aren’t normally perfect from day one. Don’t beat yourself up because you are not where you want to be yet, just be honest and move on to the next step….

Define Where You Want To Go.

When we realize that we are not satisfied with where we are right now, we are ready to dream about where we would like to go. What would you like for your family to be in five years? What difference do you want to make in your community? What would you like to accomplish with your career?

It’s important when answering these questions to be specific. No one gets to the Grand Canyon by getting in the car and saying, “I think we should go somewhere out west-ish”. Be clear about where you want to go and what you want to become. That doesn’t mean that you can’t tweak your dream from time to time. As you grow, you will most likely refine your dream from time to time. But, you always need to come back to a clear picture of your destination.

Most families and organizations struggle because they either refuse to admit where they are, or they never chart a clear course to where they would like to be. By spending time contemplating these two things you can move a big step closer to achieving your dreams.

The post Plotting Your Course first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Kingdoms don’t last forever.

Neither do empires.

Or democracies.

Or republics.

Or monarchies.

I love our country. I am patriotic. I love reading about our history, and embrace our great strengths, and acknowledge our weaknesses as well. As much as I love our nation, our well-being can never come from the status or stability of America. I hope we stay strong. I hope we affect the world in good ways. I hope the people of our nation  benefit from good decisions made by our government. But I know that our government will not always make good decisions. We have made bad decisions in the past, and we will enact bad policies in the future as well.  I also know that like every other empire or world power, our time on life’s stage is limited. The United States is not the hope of the world. I hope that we offer hope where we can, and impact people for good, and believe we have at times. But the U.S. isn’t perfect, and it isn’t forever.

Our well-being can only come from a kingdom that is stable and unending. That is the kingdom that Jesus talked about during his ministry on earth. That is the kingdom he has invited us all into. It’s a kingdom that knows no geographic bounds. It’s a kingdom that is bigger than the imperfections of it’s members, because it is built on the forgiveness, grace, and power of God.

So, is it possible that the candidate we choose on November 8^th will make decisions that hurt our nation and compromise our future. Yes, it’s possible. For many people it seems probable, whichever candidate is chosen. That’s not great, but our hope is in a kingdom that will sustain us during difficult times. Jesus closed his model prayer with the assurance that the only true and lasting kingdom is in God’s hands (“thine is the kingdom”), and those hands are reliable. Your hope will only be as strong as the source of your hope. If your hope for the future relies on government and politicians, you will find yourself anxious and fearful much of the time.  If your hope is in a God who is bigger than any government, you are more likely to have a hope that endures challenging times.

So, our own prayer during the next weeks and month may need to be, “for thine is the kingdom…”. Whisper it to yourself during the day and remember it when you are falling asleep. God cares about you, and He is in control even when the world seems out of control.

The post Avoiding Election Stress (Part 2) first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

As we continue our series of small phrases that pack amazing relational power, we look at a third simple statement, “I don’t know”. There are few things that feel more like failure than having to admit that we don’t know the answer or what to do next. So, most of us never admit it. We push forward hoping that no one will notice that we don’t have all of the answers. We have all been trained since preschool that knowledge is power. So when we can’t figure something out, we feel powerless and afraid.  It seems like the successful people around us always know what to do next. They never seem confused or plagued with doubt.  (They don’t have all the answers either, they just appear to) This makes us even more desperate to know everything or at least to appear that we do.

The painful reality is that we do not know all of the answers. We don’t always know which path to take next. I don’t. You don’t. No one does. With that being said, admitting when we don’t know is an incredible step of honesty that can have a powerful impact in our relationships. Admitting that we don’t know it all does a few important things:

It builds trust

Like I said above, no one has all of the answers. When you pretend to, people are going to trust you less. After all, if you lie about always knowing the right thing to do, what else might you lie about? When you admit to those you love, that you don’t know what to do next, you are showing them that you care more about honesty than you do about keeping up appearances. Parents, this is especially important for you. It doesn’t take our kids long to realize that we aren’t perfect. You need to let them know that you aren’t perfect, and that it’s ok that they aren’t perfect either.

It invites collaboration

When I hit a dead end and admit that I don’t know what to do next, I make myself open to insight or direction from others. When others hear that we don’t know, they gain permission to speak into our situation. That sort of collaboration is powerful. We are always stronger together than we are alone.

It reminds us that we need each other

When you admit that you don’t know the answer to a challenge in front of you, you are reminded that you need other people in your life. No one knows all of the answers, but together we know more than we do by ourselves. Relationships are life-giving, but it’s easy to forget that in our quest for independence.  Being honest with others about what you don’t know is a great way to remember how important your relationships are.

When was the last time that you admitted that you didn’t know what to do next? There have been times when you didn’t know the right answers, but when was the last time you admitted it to the people around you? Remember, they can’t read you mind. Admitting our imperfection and limitations strengthens our relationships. Make some time this week to be honest with someone you care about.

The post I Don’t Know first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Unlike admitting that we are wrong, lots of us say “I’m sorry”. In fact, it is so often said, that it has been stripped of it’s meaning. “I’m sorry” is different than saying “I was wrong”. “I was wrong” is something we say when we examine ourselves and admit that we have made an incorrect or bad decision, or chosen damaging or false words. “I’m sorry” is what we say when we pause to consider that our wrongs can hurt others. It’s not easy to say we are sorry (and truly mean it). When we say that we are sorry, we are admitting that I am not the only one impacted by my words and actions, and that’s a scary admission. Having the courage and insight to say, “I’m sorry” reminds us of three important things:

I’m not responsible for you, but I am responsible to you.

You are not responsible for others. They alone can make their decisions and choose their paths in life. It’s dangerous to believe that you are responsible for others. You become an enabler, and weaken the very people you are hoping to help. It’s equally disastrous to fail to recognize that you are responsible to others. Being responsible to others means that we accept that we do not live in a bubble. Our decisions and words impact others for good or for bad. How we live has far reaching implications, and taking time to tell someone that we are sorry for something we have done, honors this fact, and respects that person.

Every decision/word matters

Words are free and you can throw them out however you want, but they come with a great cost. Words can encourage others or cut them off at the knees. Your actions can give others hope or lead them to give up. Every word you say matters. Every decision you make has consequences. There are thousands of people whose lives have been upended by one stray tweet, comment, or post. The news is filled with stories of leaders who must step down from their positions of authority because of one poorly made decision. Choose your words and decisions carefully. Mistakes will happen, but when you pause to make deliberate choices you are less likely to be make catastrophic decisions.

Confession has incredible power to heal

People have an amazing capacity to forgive, and because of that an incredible capacity to heal. I’ve worked with countless couples and families that have healed from deep and devastating pain, and regrouped to become stronger. When you have the courage to admit that you have hurt someone, you give them an incredible gift. They are now free to forgive if they choose, and then to heal. They get to choose what to do next, but owning whatever damage you’ve done is liberating regardless of how they choose to receive it.

If you need to tell someone you are sorry, call them and do it today. Better yet, buy them a coffee or lunch and do it face to face. We all make mistakes and will inevitably hurt others, but if we have the courage to own it, we can impact them for good as well.

The post I’m Sorry first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

In Part 1 of this post we talked about the dangers of being overly responsible and of being irresponsible. So, how do we avoid the extremes of taking on too much responsibility on one side, or just throwing up our hands and giving up on the other?

Be honest about the extent of your control.

My wife is a little over a month away from her due date, and from birthing our new son into the world. I already pray that he will have an incredible life. I want good things for him just like I do my daughter. As much as I want to, though, I won’t be able to make him become a healthy adult. As much as I want him to make good decisions, and to do his best at everything he attempts, there’s no way I can ensure that will happen. As much as I know that the key to a great life is great relationships, I won’t be able to keep him from choosing toxic people to surround himself with.  I can love him, I can teach him, I can be there for him, but he gets to decide what he will do with his life. I can try to control him and block him from making bad decisions if I want. This is actually very healthy when our children are small. It’s good to keep them from drinking things they find under the sink, for instance. As he grows however, I will need to control him less and less, because there will be a day when he alone will control his decisions, and he needs practice to prepare for that day.

Be honest about your area of impact.

While I can’t control my son, it would be foolish to believe that I have no influence at all. I can teach and discipline and encourage. All of those things will make a difference. Just because I can’t guarantee that he will only make great decisions in his life, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t try to give him the skills to make good decisions if and when he chooses to. We can have an impact in the lives of others, but they will always have a choice as to what to do with the impact we make.

A happy middle ground: I am responsible to you but for me.

I can only be responsible for things that are within my control. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for my actions.  I am responsible for what I do with the emotions I feel.  I am responsible for how I respond to a world around me that is at times positive and at others incredibly negative. Others  may treat me poorly and life may take bad turns that I cannot control, but I have the power to respond to whatever life brings. Life may not always be fair, but it is full of potential, and I’m the only one who can make the most of that potential in my life.

While I am responsible for me, I am only responsible to you. As a Christian I believe it is my responsibility to love others. Some people may receive that love so that we become friends over time. Other people may reject that love and want nothing to do with me. I can offer you mercy, grace, encouragement, warning, and truth, but you get to decide what to do with it. You are responsible for you.

When we embrace the challenge of being responsible for ourselves and the freedom of only being responsible to others, we often find a great weight lifted off of our shoulders. A healthy definition of responsibility will lead to a healthy life, one that those around you will appreciate and benefit from.

The post All Or Nothing (Part 2) first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

My high school basketball coach was terrifying.

At least that was my first impression of him. He was loud and intense. He screamed and had on occasion kicked us out of the gym if our practices didn’t meet the standard he desired. (The kicking out wasn’t the bad part, it was what awaited us at the next practice.) I wasn’t used to people yelling at me, I grew up in a quiet home, so coach really rattled me. Not only that, he had in his possession the one thing that mattered more than anything to me: playing time. If I couldn’t find a way to make that guy happy, I would lose what I wanted most.

I used to believe the same things about God.

I had read stories in the Bible of people being turned to a pillar of salt. Some were destroyed by floods, the ground opened up underneath others and swallowed them whole. I had also heard enough sermons about hell to know that I needed to be very careful when it came to God. I can remember thinking that I needed to make sure to never look back at a city that God was destroying by fire, and definitely not lie to any church leaders about anything! I was afraid that if I didn’t make God happy I would lose the things I wanted most; jobs, relationships, health, etc…

Things changed for me when I stumbled across some words written by one of Jesus’ closest disciples, John. He said, “There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18) I loved God, but I realized that I was living much of my life in an attempt to avoid his punishment. I didn’t really trust that He wanted the best for me. If we are honest about God, if we see Him clearly as the creator of everything that is, then fear is a very healthy first impression. He is more powerful that we can possibly imagine. But, if that all-powerful God loves us and wants the best for us, the fear we feel can begin to melt away and love can grow in it’s place.

Over time, I realized that my coach wanted the best for me as a player and as a person. He didn’t just care about the score of the game, he cared about me. Once, I realized that all of that volume and passion wasn’t trying to destroy me, but trying to help me, I was able to relax. The lessons I learned during those years in high school with my coach still impact my life today, and I’m grateful that I was able to trade in my fear of him and trust him instead.

The same is true of my relationship with God. God doesn’t punish us. Punishment is about getting even, about answering for what you’ve done. In an act of unimaginable love and sacrifice, Jesus answered for what we have done. God disciplines us, which is much different. Discipline is for our good, and leads to our growth. When my coach made our team run sprints until our lungs burned and our legs felt like rubber, it wasn’t to get even. He was making sure we would have the stamina to play hard late in games, so that when other teams were tired, we could keep going.

I don’t understand everything about God, but I trust Him. It’s not a perfect trust. Nothing about me is perfect. It’s growing, though. Every day I find that the more I trust the less I fear. That’s good because fear is miserable. It takes faith to trust, and that isn’t always easy. The reward is worth it however, and I hope you are able to enjoy a life with less fear.

The post The Toxic Nature of Fear first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The post Why Telling Yourself “No” Can Make All Of The Difference first appeared on Michael Ramsey.