One of the most frustrating things about being a pastor are those moments when you teach about things that you struggle with the most. I actually believe that our most powerful teachings come from our most honest struggles, but it’s still no fun. I experienced this last week, when a small group gathered and we discussed the concept of margin.

I’m not sure if he coined the term or just illuminated it, but Richard Swenson’s book Margin is incredibly instructive. Margin is intentionally built-in empty space. There is margin on the pages of the books we read, for example.  Empty white space encircles the typed words on the page. This makes the book more aesthetically pleasing and more readable. It also protects against losing some of the writing if a corner of the book is damaged.

Our lives need margin as well. Our days are often filled with activity and busyness from the time our eyes pop open until we close them again late that night for sleep. We live at our limits financially and relationally, eventually paying the price for it.

We need space that is not filled with a list of things to do or places to go. We need space to unwind and to think without the pressing need to be productive. Jesus, who was incredibly productive during this three years of public ministry, often withdrew by himself for time away. He would leave massive crowds who were gathered to hear him in order to be alone for a bit.

If Jesus needed margin, then we do as well. It’s impossible to be “on” all of the time. Spending all of the time, money, and energy we have isn’t living fully, it’s living dangerously. Not only does a built in “cushion” protect us, it often makes life more productive and enjoyable. Creating margin can be difficult, however, mostly because it often involves saying “no” to people we want to impress. It requires courage to set boundaries in your life, here are a couple of tips that may help:

Start Small. It’s unrealistic to think that you can open up an hour of your day everyday to be alone or 10% of your income to drop into savings right away. It’s almost impossible to go from no margin to large blocks of it. If we set unrealistic expectations, we become discouraged when we aren’t able to maintain or achieve them, and often quit altogether. So, start small.

Remember that “no” is relationally healthy. If there is someone in your life that you can’t say “no” to then that relationship isn’t healthy. Good relationships can handle hearing the word “no”. Saying “no” in the right ways sets boundaries in relationships that make them stronger and will improve you connection with others in the long run.

Start today. Remember that we all plan to do all sorts of great things one day. One day, however, rarely comes. So, start now, make a plan, and give it a go. Check back here for upcoming posts about how and where to create margin in your life!

The post Creating Space For Life first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Most people have dreams about what they would like to accomplish or become in life. We all want to do something valuable with our time. But for many people the dream remains just a dream. They struggle to attain their goals and realize their full potential. The most common problem that blocks us from reaching our preferred future isn’t a lack of ability or effort. It’s a lack of clarity. In fact, if you can clarify two simple things you will be well on your way to reaching your dreams. Those things are, where you are starting and where you want to end up.

Define Where You Are

In order to get from point A to point B, you need to have a clear understanding of where you are beginning. If you are not clear about point A, you can give up on ever reaching point B. Sometimes it’s hard to admit where we are in life. It can discourage us and make us feel that we will never accomplish anything of value. Being honest with yourself is crucial, however. It’s ok to be where you are. Everyone starts someplace. People don’t normally get their dream job at 22. Our families aren’t normally perfect from day one. Don’t beat yourself up because you are not where you want to be yet, just be honest and move on to the next step….

Define Where You Want To Go.

When we realize that we are not satisfied with where we are right now, we are ready to dream about where we would like to go. What would you like for your family to be in five years? What difference do you want to make in your community? What would you like to accomplish with your career?

It’s important when answering these questions to be specific. No one gets to the Grand Canyon by getting in the car and saying, “I think we should go somewhere out west-ish”. Be clear about where you want to go and what you want to become. That doesn’t mean that you can’t tweak your dream from time to time. As you grow, you will most likely refine your dream from time to time. But, you always need to come back to a clear picture of your destination.

Most families and organizations struggle because they either refuse to admit where they are, or they never chart a clear course to where they would like to be. By spending time contemplating these two things you can move a big step closer to achieving your dreams.

The post Plotting Your Course first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Our pastor at church is currently working through a series on an ancient king of Israel named Josiah. Josiah was a good king. He repaired much of the damage that his corrupt fathers and grandfathers had done to the kingdom. The full account of all that Josiah did is located in the Old Testament book of 2 Chronicles. Near the end of that account, Josiah deviates from the good decisions he had been making over the course of his life. The leader of Egypt drew near to Israelite territory with his army, and Josiah rode out to meet him. The Egyptian king realizing the misunderstanding, sent an envoy to let Josiah know that he had not come to battle him, but was engaging another enemy, one that he believed God had led him to attack. The battle had nothing to do with Josiah, but he couldn’t let it go. He dressed in a disguise and led his army to battle the troops from Egypt. During the fighting, Josiah was struck by an arrow and fatally wounded. Josiah’s life ended fighting a battle he was never intended to fight.

Do you ever fight battles you were never intended to fight?

I know that I have. Most of us reading this aren’t fighting life and death battles with real weaponry, but we battle nonetheless. We argue and battle against our kids, our spouse, political leaders, and referees at basketball games. Some of our battles are small, wrapping up in one conversation, others go on for months or years.

How do you know if the battles that you are fighting are the right battles? How can you tell if you are making a difference, or if you are pushing your friends and family away? Here are a couple of questions to consider as you try to decide which battles to fight and which to avoid:

Am I constantly battling this person?

This one is especially important for parents and kids. There are a thousand things that we want our kids to avoid, and a thousand other things that we hope they will embrace in their life. We want the best for them. We dread the thought of them choosing a life path that will lead to their own frustration and pain. This can sometimes lead to parents battling their children over every issue that comes up, often several times a day. When we correct our kids this often and never allow things to simply pass by, we are doing slow but very real damage to our relationship. Children can not handle constant correction from their parents. It’s too much. Eventually, they will learn to ignore you, if for no other reason than to avoid the stress you bring with your constant redirections. Choose your battles wisely, you can’t fight them all.

Will this battle distract from my greater goals?

I once sat across from a couple in my office whose arguments had gotten out of control. The latest battle was over whether or not they should be packing their kids lunches each day, or if the kids should pack the lunches themselves. They argued back and forth, the volume rising incrementally as the minutes passed. Finally, I asked the husband why it was so important for his wife to stop making the kids lunches. He yelled his answer, “Because I love her and I want us to have a strong relationship!” His goal of loving his wife and wanting a strong relationship was very good, but the battle he was fighting wasn’t getting him closer to his goal. Sometimes we get so caught up in the battle that we lose sight of what we really want. It’s easy to win battles only to lose the war. If you are not careful, you can actually hurt and push away the very person you believe you are fighting for.

How often am I battling those around me?

If you are constantly at odds with others, and always in a battle, it’s possible that you are fighting battles that do not need to be fought. Life isn’t about constantly challenging and correcting everyone around us. No matter how right your cause or motives may be, we were not made to fight every battle we come across. On the other hand, if you are never standing up for your opinion or what you think is right, you are mostly likely missing out on some battles that you should fight. You opinion matters, and your point of view can make your friendships and family stronger, but only if you share it.

Choosing which battles to fight in life is never easy, and we won’t do it perfectly. We need to carefully think through which battles need our attention and which don’t need us at all. The way we choose our battles will often determine the quality of life we enjoy.

The post Battle Fatigue first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

Last week was another amazing week at Mission Serve. Mission Serve is an organization that brings together student groups from multiple states to join together to impact people in need in various communities. Last week over 250 students and leaders gathered in Robbinsville, NC to help build handicap ramps, put new shingles on homes, and paint and repair as needed. It was an amazing week that proved what teenagers today are capable of.

During a special prayer service last week, we meditated on a prayer by St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me and instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, let me grant pardon;

Where there is doubt; let me have faith

Where there is despair, let me bring hope

Where there is darkness, let me be light

And where there is sadness, let me bring joy.

It’s a simple prayer, written over 800 years ago, but it still resonates powerfully for our world today. The most common reaction we have as people is to hate those who hate us, to return injury for injury. We get dragged under by waves of doubt, and allow despair to cloud our vision. St. Francis’ prayer is a reminder that our faith is not to be reactionary. If we wait to react to what the world around us does, we will end up making decisions that are not consistent with what we say we believe. The Christian life is a proactive life.

Loving those who hate us is only possible if we commit ahead of time to love. Our natural reaction when we are hated is to become defensive and to strike back. It’s only when we anticipate that hatred will come at times, and decide long before it arrives to meet it with love, that we have any chance of sowing love where hatred exists.

I would love for my life to be defined by peace, love, forgiveness, hope, light, and joy. But the only chance we have to embrace those things is to determine ahead of time that they will be our goal. An amazing thing about proactivity is that it eventually improves our reactivity. When we embrace joy and love and forgiveness over time, it begins to be our new normal. When that happens we are more likely to handle those unexpected challenges that life throws at us more effectively.

The post Let Me Bring Peace first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The post How To See The Danger You Can’t See: 3 Ways To Deal With The Blindspots In Your Life first appeared on Michael Ramsey.

The post Are Your Relational Investments Giving You Good Returns? first appeared on Michael Ramsey.