My wife and I are big fans of Louise Penny’s mystery novels that center around the small Canadian town of Three Pines. They are great reads, and I highly recommend them. The main character in the novels, Inspector Gamache tells those he trains that there are four phrases that will make them great detectives. They are:
“I was wrong”
“I am sorry”
“I don’t know” and
“I need help”
I am not sure what makes for a good detective, but these concise, powerful phrases will absolutely make your relationships stronger. These phrases are so helpful, that I’ve decided to dedicate a blog post to each of them. Let’s begin with the phrase, “I was wrong”.
It’s hard to imagine a simpler statement that is any harder to say than this one. Normally, when we do get up the courage to say, “I was wrong”, it is followed by a bunch of other stuff, like:
I was wrong…but if you hadn’t said what you said, I wouldn’t have said something hurtful.
I was wrong…but it wasn’t really my fault
I was wrong…but you’ve done lots of wrong things too
When we try to explain away or rationalize why we were wrong, it strips the admission of its power. Simply and humbly admitting that we were wrong has several benefits:
It Sets Us Free From Our Perfectionistic Tendencies
You are not perfect, and neither am I. Also, no one in their right mind would ever expect us to be perfect. Perfection isn’t possible, but we need to be reminded of that from time to time. Admitting that we were wrong about something allows us to catch our breath and remember that we can’t be right all of the time. When we no longer demand perfection of ourselves, we are able to try to be our best, which is attainable.
It Sets Others Free To Admit When They Are Wrong
When you admit that you were wrong, others are more likely to admit when they are wrong. Humility is powerful. It allows relationships to be more authentic. We are all wrong sometimes. Healthy people admit it.
It Sets You Free To Improve
Admitting you were wrong allows you to let go of the past and focus on new solutions or opportunities. When we refuse to admit when we are wrong, we dig our heels into a place that we don’t really want to be. It’s not good for anyone. When we finally admit that we were wrong, a whole world of options and alternatives become available for us to explore. Admitting that you are wrong is the first step to getting it right.
So, the next time you are wrong about something, take a deep breath and admit it. It will make you stronger, and will lead others to trust you more as well.