It’s easy to forget about our relationships when they are doing well. When life is good, it’s easy to assume that our relationships will always go well. If we aren’t careful, we will take them for granted and stop doing the things that keep our relationships healthy and growing. Over the next few posts, I would like to offer up a couple of ideas of trades you can make that will strengthen your relationships. Let’s start with a concept that we can all relate to:

Perfection.

Ok, maybe we can’t fully relate to perfection. We are all imperfect people. If I asked you to make a list of all of the things in your life that aren’t perfect, you would probably run out of paper, before you ran out of ideas. But…

But we still demand perfection of ourselves don’t we?

Think about how angry you get when you mess something up. Think about how ashamed you feel when you say something that is wrong in front of a group of people. If you are not careful you can take this same belief, that you should be perfect, into your relationships. If it’s true that good goals are attainable, then perfection is a horrible goal. We will never be perfect, not at work, not with our kids, not with our spouse or with our friends. Never.  Demanding perfection out of ourselves or others places a horrible strain on relationships, one that will eventually cause them to break down.

But there’s another option.

Trade perfection for presence.

Instead of demanding perfection of yourself, commit to be present in the lives of the people you care about most. I know your marriage isn’t perfect, but you can commit to spending time listening to your spouse. Be there for them without being in “fix” mode. Encourage them. Make eye contact. Stop everything else you are doing, and be fully present to the people you care most about.

You can’t be fully present all of the time in your relationships. The yard still needs to be mowed, meals still need to be prepared, and homework needs to be done. It doesn’t take a lot of time to improve your relationships, however. Making yourself fully present to your kids for just a few minutes a day, will make those relationships more healthy.

You can’t be perfect, but you can be present. You won’t have all of the answers, but you can listen and care about the questions. Give yourself a bit of grace today and accept that you don’t have it all together. You are not a perfect parent, employee, or spouse. But the people around you don’t need you to be perfect, they just want you to be present. Try trading perfection for presence this week, you’ll be glad you did!