You care about your relationships. We all do. In fact, when we lose someone in our inner relational circle, we are devastated. Even though they matter so much to us, it’s easy to forget to invest in our relationships. There are three assumptions that we have all made about our relationships that can lead to their breakdown. In fact, they may be doing unseen damage to your relationships right now! Here are three assumptions to avoid:

Assuming You Know

You have likely spent a good deal of time with the people you are closest to. You know your friends and families as well as anyone, but it’s important to remember that you don’t know them perfectly. Not only that, but people change over time, so the things you know today, may be less true in a couple of months.  So, when your daughter comes to talk to you, don’t automatically switch to auto-pilot, assuming you know what she is going through and what she needs. You may not know. Even if you have a pretty good idea, she needs to talk about it. So make eye contact and really listen.

Assuming Everyone’s OK

Things can often seem good on the surface of your family or friend group. No one is complaining. Everyone is going to school or work and seems to be functioning well. But, just because everyone looks ok, doesn’t mean that everyone is ok. Here’s a shocking truth for you: people are really good at hiding stuff.  (ok, that’s not a big revelation). You don’t know how people are doing until you ask. Pay attention to your people, listen to them, and pray for them. The earlier you catch a problem the easier it is to deal with.

Assuming It’ll Pass

We all make mistakes. We all say hurtful things or leave important things unsaid. When you have hurt someone, don’t assume that the damage will go away if you ignore it. The same goes for being hurt by others. There are only two ways to deal with these sort of breakdowns. Forgive or confront. Own it and release it or go talk it out. Leaving things unaddressed leaves landmines scattered around in your relationship to be stepped on later. What was only a minor problem today can become a relationship crushing problem next month.

Pay attention to the people you love. Ask questions. Be present. It’s easier to keep a relationship healthy than it is to try to repair a broken one!