Love is a collection of traits that are developed over time and then exerted for the good of someone else. That’s why love isn’t easy. It takes time, and those who don’t invest time in growing as a person will often struggle to love others well over time. One of the traits that allows us to love others is something that the early Christian leader Paul described as “bearing with one another”.

Love never allows those we love to face life’s challenges alone. Traditional wedding vows aren’t used as often today, but their wording captures this thought: “for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health”. Love admits that life is unpredictable, and it could go poorly for you while going well for me. When that happens, love drives me to leverage my strength, health, or good fortune for your benefit. We don’t leave others to fend for themselves. In our society of upward mobility and endless ambition, we are conditioned to seek the best possible environment for ourselves. Which job opportunity is best for me? Can I get a lower interest rate if I switch credit card companies? Which wireless carrier will offer me the best deal? These questions are healthy and necessary, but when it comes to love, we set them aside. Love doesn’t abandon a spouse because she no longer “makes me happy” or because we “have such different interests now”. Love seeks the best of the other, and rather than jumping ship at the first sign of trouble, faces the challenges with the one we love.

Two Important Notes:

We bear with others and face challenges with others, not for others.

Love doesn’t erase responsibility. We can share life with others, but we can’t do life for them. If we continually carry someone else’s burdens for them instead of with them, we weaken them, and cause damage in the long run. Also,

Love doesn’t enable others to act destructively.

Sometimes people consistently and deliberately make destructive choices. It’s not loving to enable their destruction. Sometimes we are for people, even when they are not for themselves, and in those times, boundaries are required. Bearing with someone who is destroying themselves (or others) with drugs, exorbitant spending, reckless behavior, etc…may require blocking access to bank accounts, a car, or even the house. We can’t change the people we love, but we don’t have to hand them the gas can while they burn their life to the ground.

Most relationships aren’t destructive as much as they are selfish or short sighted, in those times love bears with one another. In order to do that, we need patience, which is the topic of the next blog post. Check back in as the series continues and subscribe to this blog in order to get reminders of upcoming posts and series!