I’ve talked to hundreds of people who were hoping to save or repair a relationship in their life. I’ve talked with parents who were struggling with their children, and husbands and wives who were struggling with each other. I’ve comforted the heartbroken and sought to calm the enraged. Some people were struggling with just one person, others felt that they had alienated everyone around them. While every relationship is different and has its own unique challenges, relationships are also similar in many ways. There is one question that every relationship faces at some point. It’s the one thing that anyone who is seeking healing in a relationship must ask themselves. That question is, “Am I Willing To Change?”. This is the most important question you can ask for several reasons:

You’ve probably already come to realize this, but you are not perfect. I know, I was crushed when I found out as well. We all fail from time to time. We all misunderstand. We all act too quickly at times and too slowly at others. Even if the person you are relating to is totally wrong, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have room to grow as well. Since we are all imperfect, we all have the opportunity to grow and learn something new. So, if you are open to change, you always have the possibility of growth in front of you. No change = no growth.

As much as you may hope that your patience and understanding will one day break through to your spouse, the truth is you have no real power to change him. You can be great, and she can still choose to treat your poorly. You can parent perfectly and still have your child make disastrous decisions. If you put all of your hopes on being able to change the person you are relating to, you will end up discouraged and defeated. Instead, you must be open to whatever change may be the most healthy for you. You must be honest about the person you care for, but you must focus the bulk of your energy on your own growth.

While your growth may inspire your friend to examine themselves more closely, there is no guarantee that they will actually make any changes. What is guaranteed is that every time someone finds the courage to examine themselves and make changes, it is inspiring others. It may inspire others around you that you aren’t even aware are noticing. People who have the courage to change can inspire others who may also want to change. Not only that, but your ability to change will give you more confidence when new you face new challenges in the future.

Are you willing to change? Change isn’t easy and it can be quite scary, but growth is impossible without change. When you are willing to focus on your own strengths and weaknesses,  you can make the sort of changes that make you stronger, and when you are stronger, you will have more consistently stronger relationships!