Social media can be a dangerous place. More than ever there are people lurking out there, phone in hand, ready to pounce on the first thing someone says that appears to be incorrect, intolerant, or unfeeling. It’s as if we have created a culture of people who derive joy and meaning out of correcting others, and if the correction comes with a good bit of shame, so much the better. We are a generation of people who have forgotten the art of giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means that we wait before passing judgment. We take time to hear them out. We ask questions. We choose to believe the best of them, until they’ve taken away all doubt as to their intentions. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is a courtesy. It’s a relational action that is in effect saying, “I’m committed to taking the time necessary to find out who you really are and what you really believe, rather than assuming that I know you based on one phrase you’ve said or posted.”  We have all said and done things we wish we could take back. In the same way that those words and actions were not always indicative of who we were or what we believed, others may be more than what they seem on the surface.

If you want to work on giving people the benefit of the doubt, two simple thoughts will help you do it:

They are more than what you see.

We are rarely able to see all that has made someone who they are. We don’t know how they were treated by their parents. We don’t know what their friendships were like growing up. We don’t know what losses they have faced, or what guilt they may carry with them. When you hear someone speak (especially over social media), you are only seeing a small sliver of who they are. If you can remember that there is more to the person speaking than what you see or hear, you will be able to offer them some grace and avoid judging them.

They are becoming more than they are.

Just because someone is immature now, doesn’t mean that they are doomed to remain that way. Everyone is growing. We are all in the process of becoming who we are to be. We can all look back on our lives and remember things that we have said or done that we would never dream of repeating. We cringe just to think of it. In five years, many of us may look back on things we have said on social media and cringe. If you can remember that others are in process just like you, and haven’t fully arrived, you are more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean that people will never let us down. There are toxic people in the world, and withholding judgment won’t change them. There are however, many more people in the world who have a lot to offer and are worth our patience and understanding. When you give someone the benefit of the doubt, you are giving them a chance to grow and develop. You are also giving yourself an opportunity to see someone in a new and positive way.